


Face It

by shadowcatfan (pressdbtwnpages)



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-08-18
Updated: 2002-08-18
Packaged: 2017-10-04 01:59:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressdbtwnpages/pseuds/shadowcatfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kitty finds out why they call them crushes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Face It

**Author's Note:**

> Therapy. Sometimes life is much easier to resolve in fanfiction.

_posted to fanfiction.net 8-18-02, posted to the XMMFF yahoo group before that._

I liked him the instant he greeted me with the words "Welcome to Mutant High." I really liked him when he stayed up late to play foosball with me when I couldn't sleep. By the time she came, halfway through our Junior year, I was half in love with the poor boy.

I didn't see it coming, not really. He's nice to everyone, especially girls. To be perfectly honest, the first time I saw them holding hands I thought maybe it was so they could get through the crush of people swarming into the dining room. By the end of the day it was all much clearer.

Oddly enough, his having a girlfriend only made my crush grow. When I think of them, or see them cuddling in the rec room I feel a familiar ache. It's sort of an empty, longing, hollow thud, pinging somewhere in the direction of my heart.

I want to hate her, I *really* do. I want to pretend she's cruel, or stupid, or dead, but I can't. I mean, I really can't. I like her damn it! She's my friend, and my roommate, and I like her.

They're good together. So happy, so sweet.

It drives me crazy! Everything about their relationship drives me nuts! How he stops in English to put down his stuff before rushing off for a few pulse-pounding seconds with her. How she waits by the door for him, as if she might parish without a glimpse of him. How he's always late to class. I hate it.

And damn it, I like them! I really do. They're good together, good to each other.  
She writes him letters that start, "My Love." That startled me. I asked Ms. Monroe if she thought people my age are capable of love. Real love, true, compassionate love. She seemed to think that we are. That's absolutely terrifying. I think that note got me thinking, what if they are in love? It had never occurred to me before.

I went for a walk yesterday by the lake, to think. I always think better out there. I have no right to want him, to want anything but happiness for my friends, the compassionate part of my brain told me. I doubt that she will be his "Happily Ever After," but who am I to say? So, after my long walk I decided I have to move on. I don't want to.

I've had a crush on him for four years. Do you know how long that is when you're 17 years old? My feelings aren't going to fade away all at once, and I don't really want it to. But last night I didn't fall asleep pretending I was in his arms, the way I've done for years.  
We graduate this spring, June 19th. I've been thinking of what I'll write in his yearbook, I think since the day we met. It'll go something like this:

Bobby,  
We made it! Wahoo! Thank you for being such a great friend to me. I sincerely hope you have an awesome life and all of your dreams come true.  
There's something I've wanted to tell you for awhile. You don't have to do anything about it, I just want you to know. I've had a crush on you for four years.  
Love ya!  
Kitty


End file.
